We want the funeral to be personal

This is one of the most common things families tell me during a funeral arrangement. The service must be personal and accurately reflect their loved one. Funerals can be personalised in a variety of ways by using things like music, photographs, favourite colours, team jerseys and flags.

But how do you go deeper than this? How do you make the funeral service something that reflects exactly how your loved one lived their life?

One funeral arrangement comes to mind. I was working with the family and their priest to plan a very meaningful, personal celebration of their son Tom.

At least 10 times during the arrangement, one of the family members commented that Tom was so disorganised, he would be late for his own funeral.  I turned to the parents and asked them “Why don’t we make Tom late for his own funeral?”

After a few quizzical looks back and forth across the table, the family all said “PERFECT!” I checked with the priest if this would be acceptable, and he thought it was one of the greatest personal touches he had ever heard of.

Funeral day arrives and the immediate family, the priest and the funeral directors are the only ones who know what is about to happen. We usher people into church so we can begin Mass.

The organ starts playing the opening hymn. The priest takes his position at the altar. As the hymn draws to a close, some guests begin looking around, whispering amongst themselves and pointing to the front of the church. There is no coffin where the coffin should be!

Father starts to speak, welcoming everybody as he begins the opening prayer. Halfway through the opening prayer, we come bustling through the front door and begin our way down the centre aisle, making enough noise so that everybody turns around and stares at us. Father looks up from his notes and says, “Well Ladies and Gentlemen, as you would all expect, Tom was late for his own funeral!”

This was met with laughter, cheers, applause. Tom’s family all agreed that it was a fantastic way to personalise his funeral service.